Author Archives: anna
I love the God Squad when they come a-knocking pedalling conversion. Them: (one small and a bit Oriental, the other, big lady in sad cardigan) ‘We were wondering if we could interest you in (manky comic with rainbow and assorted farm animals on front) a message from Jesus.’ Me: ‘Sorry, I don’t do God’ (in [...]
Yesterday, I learnt two things: that Grotte is French for cave and that albino aligators are a. freaky to look at, and b. may one day break out from their steamy Nuclear Power Plant home and look at some prehistoric art with their ugly eyes. Werner Herzog’s Cave of Forgotten Dreams was great so long [...]
Yesterday, I was confronted with my dark past. If anyone recalls my foray into ballroom dancing, the scariest part of the whole experience, down at King Alfred’s, was the individual with the mullet and the variant leg length who wrestled me around the room, spinning me off and then whizzing me back quick smart into [...]
Laughter, it’s said, is the best medicine and although I’m never ill, I do like to laugh a lot; granted, some may call my laugh more of a cackle, and, in extreme cases of hilarity, my head and upper torso can get quite loose and jerky too. Indeed, I have been known to accidentally head [...]
I know it’s spring, not only because of seeing the odd flip flop but also because insects have started to copulate in my back bedroom. Yesterday, I tried to prize apart a couple of teensy flies who were bareback riding in amongst my brussel sprouts seedlings but unfortunately, I was a bit cack handed; it [...]
Yesterday, I woke up with a blocked nose hole but I reckoned, if I was careful, I could survive the day’s breathing on one nostril only. I have to stress, this was a gay rambling day, guaranteed to be a titter and a half, so, I donned my cagoule and chunky socks, dropped a Cox [...]
It was an exceedingly breezy day in London town but I did clock one pair of flip flops and a strappy top. Granted, I was in the Underground at the time where the air is a tad more balmy but even so… I fought the urge to push flip flop man under the Circle Line [...]
Today I woke up with a start. I’d just had a minor disagreement with Gary Kemp who was, I think, jealous that his younger brother and fellow Spandau ballet dancer, Martin, had invited me to his apartment with a view to naughtiness. Luckily, there was a cocktail bar next door so Martin and I decamped [...]
I nearly went to a funeral today but instead, got piles from sitting on a wet crash barrier on the M25 waiting for the AA. I’ve never had a Brazilian under my bonnet before but this one was very thorough and had a lovely side parting to boot. Having fiddled around for half an hour, [...]
Last week, I had another flossing incident. I was see sawing away, trying to eradicate some very clingy muesli when ping, a huge chunk of molar flew across the bathroom. So I hopped on my bike and took a trundle to the torture chamber, sorry dentist, that is Mr Pappadopoulos and his evil sidekick, Tracy. [...]
